Phase II

 So here’s the thing. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, since I was a child. I suppose at this point I am a writer. I’ve published a book, it has my name on it, people have read it. Writing CONventional Wisdom was journey for me, at times a terrifying one. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but I’ve not always been comfortable with sharing my experiences, my thoughts or feelings. CONventional Wisdom was my first attempt at putting my name out there, at sharing parts of myself that I typically kept hidden. I put it out there, and the world didn’t end. Most the feedback has been positive, what hasn’t been positive wasn’t personal.  The process of writing, publishing and selling made me realize that I still want to be a writer. I’m not quite in a place where I can just focus on writing full time, give up my day job, honestly my writing probably isn’t in that place either. However, I want to keep trying, to keep putting myself and my words out there, and that is where this is going.

I’ve thought on this for awhile, the best way to start, how to go about it, if I should use my own name or not. I’ve published a fiction book under a different name, (I’ll come back to that in a minute) and I’ve started on another. I’ve had reservations, that my writing could reflect poorly on my career and professional life, that I would be judged by my friends and family, questioned about the topics, ridiculed for following a dream, maybe told that I’m just not that good. I’ve allowed those reservations to dictate my actions for far too long.

This past November, something happened. I didn’t die. There was a night that I was certain I was, that I wasn’t going to wake up. There were a few weeks after where we weren’t really sure. I didn’t die. For weeks, maybe months, I had trouble walking, I couldn’t cook, I wasn’t in control of my body, I had to ask for help, I had to slow down, and during that time, I had to evaluate every decision I’d made up to that point.

Since that time, I’ve had to accept that my brain and body may never work the same again, that I may never be able to do the things I’ve always done. I need more help, more rest and breaks. I have to weigh each task, each interaction, decide if I have the energy for it, if I’m willing to risk it. It’s been a challenge, but I didn’t die. I’m still here, I can still move and think and walk…and write. So now, after that, those reservations, seem small, insignificant. You can judge me or ridicule me, maybe my writing isn’t great yet but it will be, I have to start somewhere.

So this is where I will start.  Here, on the blog started for my first book, where people that already kind of know me are likely to read what I have written.  I’ve never been good with labels or staying in a box. When I started thinking about what type of writer I wanted to be, I couldn’t really pick a lane. If anyone is going to understand my inability to fit in, it will be the same people that wanted to read CONventional Wisdom, my spn family.

I’m not going to choose a genre, not right now. I’m going to write what comes to me, I’m going to share it here and see what happens. I’ve found joy in writing and I want to keep it. I don’t want it to become something I have to do, I don’t want to follow rules with it, I won’t put up the walls to my own box and only write from inside it. I will write because I love to write, because I need to, I’ll write for me, and I’ll hope it will find an audience.

I will share links here for the first chapter of each of the two books that I have right now. They are very different in genre and content. I’d like feedback, preferable constructive, which one you would like to read more of, which genre you prefer. I’ll keep writing and posting here, with my co-authors, we hope you join us.

Temptation. This book has been published under a different name.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sTG9bVWYKjvcLBPuUDyUDOY_26Ux0uXZxGZuHpINqps/edit?usp=sharing

Darkness and Light (working title, I’m open to suggestions)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1yjuX7911nyrtJ5X-1HU0AjBIWJTNi4ndQDP08P5QPr8/edit?usp=sharing

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